Inside this issue:
 

Memories and Traditions
By Kristy Carlile, teacher, Broadview 3-5’s
 
Self-Esteem: What It Is and How to Get It
By Judy LeBlanc, Parent Educator
 
Raptor Rapture

Memories and Traditions
By Kristy Carlile, teacher, Broadview 3-5’s
 
   Traditions are the oral handing-down of stories, beliefs and customs from generation to generation. They provide stability, help us focus on what is important and create memories that stay in our hearts for a lifetime.

   Traditions are built into most celebrations. Christmas always began in our family with the picking of the tree. I’ll never forget the yearly tradition of looking for the perfect tree with my dad. It was always the biggest and fattest on the lot and it never fit on the car.  Mom would always say “It’s too big!” It always was too big and he always made it fit.  I don’t have a lot of memories of my dad, but when I think of the holidays wonderful memories come rushing back to me. I want my children to grow up and remember the holidays as I have, but most of all I want them to remember their childhood and how much we love and enjoy them.

   If we look through the eyes of a child, we will discover so many reasons to celebrate -- and memories to create!  A child’s joy in discovery, learning, and finding something out for the first time, is in fact the ultimate celebration.  Celebrate your child’s first tooth, her first step, the first time she dresses herself.  Celebrate the birth of a sibling, a new pet or the girl who moved next door.  Celebrate his soccer game, the color blue, apples, his favorite song. Celebrate the first snowflake, mud puddles, a leaf dropping, a flower blooming.

   Here are some examples from Bev Boss’ book Good Stuff For Kids:

• One family, no matter how difficult the week, shares the best thing to have happened to them. They do this during dinner every Friday night.
• A father would write the initials of one of his children inside the top of every new jar of peanut butter. When they opened the peanut butter, he'd call the person and say a fairy did it.
• One family would put butter on the nose of whose ever birthday it was so that they would have a shiny day. Sometimes it led to fights, but there was nothing you could do about it because it was tradition.
• One single mother reads to her son every morning when they are both most awake.
• After a teacher suggested that parents’ number one job was to be absolutely nuts about their kid, a mother began keeping a "Nuts About You Book." Each page, in very specific language or photos, described what the child had done to make the mom "nuts about them.”
• One dad, whose job requires lots of travel, takes his daughter out for a 'Dad's only breakfast' before school. Most of the time for just a cup of hot chocolate and coffee and lots of talk.”

   Traditions and celebrations can be new or old, they can occur daily, monthly or yearly. No matter what you do or how often you do it, it will become a part of your family you and your children will look forward to -- and back on with love.
 

Self-Esteem: What It Is and How to Get It
By Judy LeBlanc, Parent Educator

    Fresh starts — recommitting ourselves to those things we hold most important — that's the opportunity of a New Year.  As parents, what can you do to have the most positive impact on your children?

   Self-esteem has been referred to as the key to life: to success in school, work, and personal happiness.  There is, however, a lot  of confusion about what self-esteem is and how to get it. Recently, self-esteem has been given a bad rap, popularly seen as achieved by empty phrases and quick fixes resulting in ego-inflated, incompetent persons. This is not what self-esteem is really about.

   Self-esteem is at the core of personality development and affects how a person lives all parts of his life.  Several self-esteem experts define it as having two particular aspects. The first is the feeling of being loved and valued: having a sense of belonging and unconditional self-worth. The second aspect is the sense of effectance, having an impact on the world, being capable, not necessarily in any one particular area, but in general, as one is involved in day-to-day activities. As these two blend, so do the ways in which self-esteem is achieved.

   Jonathan Brown, Ph.D., a social psychologist at the University of Washington traces the roots of self-esteem to birth, to attachment and temperament. A child who is securely attached will feel a greater sense of belonging and effectance.  A child who has an easy-going exploratory temperament will obtain a more positive response from others and have a greater sense of effectance or impact on the world. Therefore, parents need to respond consistently to an infant's needs, relate affectionately, and provide opportunities for anxious, timid children to explore and be with others.

   Dorothy Briggs, author of Your Child's Self-Esteem, views the relationship between parent and child as the context for developing self-esteem, specifically through the processes of mirroring and genuine encounter.  By the way in which you interact with your child you become your child's psychological mirror reflecting to her who she is and her value. A child will doubt herself before she questions the reflections she sees. In order to keep her identity separate from behaviors of which you do not approve, refer to her actions rather than her person: "It is not OK to hit Eric", rather than,"You're naughty" or "You make me angry." Avoid blame and negative judgement since they are at the core of emotional disorder and low self-esteem.

   Genuine encounter is attention born of direct, personal involvement, being physically, mentally, and emotionally present.  It’s not possible or even helpful to always provide this kind of attention, but every child needs periodic genuine encounters.  It is helpful to acknowledge your availability to your child: "I am talking with Julie.  When I'm done I will give you my full attention." When words and actions do not jibe, children become mistrustful.

   Jean Illsley Clarke, author of Self-esteem: A Family Affair, uses communication as a primary tool to build self-esteem, recommending certain messages based on the developmental stage of the child.  For example, one message for the 3-6 year old is You can express your feelings straight, which could be stated as "You can tell me how you feel; it's OK to be angry, but it's not OK to hit me." Clarke also emphasizes that parents and children have distinct jobs.  It's the two-year-old's job, for instance, to test limits, it's the parent's job to set limits. Parents can get confused and think it's the child’s job to behave; or think it’s their job to keep their child happy rather than follow through on setting limits.

    Other commonly held ideas about building self-esteem are:

• It is necessary to have a basic understanding of normal child development in order to have reasonable expectations and appropriate guidance practices.
• Setting clear limits and following through helps children to feel secure and know the boundaries in which to operate.
• Praising children's behavior or effort, not outcomes or their person, supports the intrinsic satisfaction the child feels when he is actively engaged in mastering his world. Praise should be specific and non-judgmental: "You've worked hard on that painting," rather than "That's a beautiful picture" or "I like it."
• Encouraging risk-taking and an attitude that making mistakes is helpful, and that hard work is necessary, encourages learning and trying new things. Brown found that people with high self-esteem may feel badly when they fail, but don’t feel badly about themselves, whereas people with low self-esteem feel badly about themselves, and, in general, feel incompetent, inadequate, unwanted, and unlovable. Because of their fear of failure, people with low self-esteem also tend to set lower goals for themselves. A person's response to negative events is related to whether they developed a sense of belonging and effectance, again emphasizing the importance of early experience. Brown viewed this as the most significant function of self-esteem since it affects how a person approaches and experiences life.
• Distinguishing between feelings and actions by accepting all children's feelings and guiding their appropriate expression helps children to understand and express their feelings and creates self-awareness, and a sense of belonging and effectance.
• Helping children accept responsibility for themselves and building self-help, thinking, and problem-solving skills increases their ability to fulfill their own needs. The most significant factor, above all those previously mentioned, in children's self-esteem is the extent to which their parents have high self-esteem. In a study by Stanley Coopersmith, parents with high self-esteem conveyed total acceptance of the child (note this does not mean behavior), had clearly defined limits that were consistently enforced.

   Since self-esteem is not necessarily taught, but caught, what are some ways in which parents can increase their own sense of self-esteem?

1. The first step is to take responsibility for yourself. You are the only one that can change your self-esteem now.
2. Develop self-awareness by identifying and changing automatic self-defeating thoughts. Low self-esteem people tend to overgeneralize events.  For example, if a friend forgets to call, they assume they are unlovable. Also, focus on what is going well.
3. Become more process-oriented rather than product-oriented to take the focus off of success or failure and direct it more to the satisfaction of working on something.
4. Become more patient and forgiving with yourself since building self-esteem is long hard work.

   There are many perspectives on self-esteem and truly all aspects of child rearing play a part. As a parent you have the position of uniquely seeing your child and their “wonderfulness”. You have the insight and motivation to envision them as the best they can be, balanced with the understanding and love to be reasonable and compassionate. Your child must know that you believe in them and will always be there for them. You are the center of your child's self-esteem.
 
 

Raptor Rapture

   Capistrano has its swallows, the Skagit River has its bald eagles. The eagles feed on spawning salmon from about the middle of December through the end of February, with the peak of the season usually at the end of January.
   Several companies offer guided raft tours for eagle viewing. However, eagles
may be seen from dry (and sometimes, not so dry) land as well.
    There are four designated viewing areas along Route 20 near Rockport. Warm clothes and rain gear will make your viewing more enjoyable. Binoculars are also a good idea, though not strictly necessary.
  Information is available from several locations, including:
 

• North Cascades Institute, 360-856-5700, ext 209, or www.ncascades.org
• Upper Skagit Bald Eagle Festival, 360-853-7009, or www.skagiteagle.org
• www.bald-eagleinfo.com